Screw “Are You Smarter Then a Fifth Grader?)

I have seen advertised a show called "Are You Smarter Then a Fifth Grader?" I have never watched it, of course, for 2 reasons:
1) I don't want to be embarrassed.
2) There are tons of things that 5th Graders know that I've forgotten. They get tested (or at least they should be tested) on all sorts of useless crap all of the time! Really, who has time to remember all the states in order, or the names of ALL the presidents, or the planets in our solar system (sniff, Pluto!)? Now to be fair I think I would have a shot eventually with the states and solar system, but there is a time limit and no way will I remember that fast. I have more important things to think about, like what wine to have with dinner (hah you under 21 brats, this isn't Europe!), do I want another tie or do I have enough (NEVER), how do I avoid my parents bringing up the marriage question? You know, grown up things!!

Anyway, the article that originally motivated this post was that we are discovering all that time that animals are in all likely hood just as smart as 5th graders, even rats. Of course, this doesn't make me any less inclined to eat these animals (I don't think I would ever want to eat a rat, but you know what I mean), since by eating them I support another thing they should be learning in school, natural selection. Until these animals are smart enough to stop me, well it sucks to be them doesn't it?

Of course, I relish the idea that some day scores of red necks will be fleeing into the city in their pick up trucks, "The deers, good god the deers, they all have GUNS!" Could you imagine how deadly a squirrel would be in it could figure out how to operate those silenced 22's the SEALS use to assassinate people at close range? Or bears using bait, leaving six packs and beef jerky on the ground, waiting until a hunter comes along, and then BAM! Sure it would suck for some of us, but hey the strong deserve to survive. My recommendation is begin distributing TV's into the wilderness, and possibly some fiction bestsellers from Borders, and that should help us prevent animals from ever getting too smart. Of course these things may lead us to become as stupid as they are, it'll be a race to the IQ bottom!